One week later

Secret rendez-vous with BA.
I saw him at the show last night. Emailed him to say I got him 2 tickets. So he came with his brother. I saw his before to give him the tickets. It was a little weird. And then when we got out afterwards, we ended up talking. We just stood outside for a little while, and then he was hungry and cold and I hadn't eaten dinner, so we went for sushi. After sushi he drove me home, and we kept chatting in the car. Eventually we we tired, and we were sort of reminiscing and curling up in the car together. And eventually I invited him in to sleep over. We didn't have sex. But we were physical. It was kinda nice. And then he left the next morning.

He called later to say that he had no regrets about that night, and that he thinks it was good. He hopes I'm ok with it... I think I am. I mean, I don't really regret it. It's just a little confusing. I don't know how I feel. I mean, I've been spending time with ES. And after that visit to his shrink, I'm sort of wondering and hoping that maybe things will work out. And I know it doesn't make sense to stay/get back together with BA. Totally different life plans. There just isn't enough overlap. But he's really comfortable. Soft, gentle, caring. And I still have some kind of feelings for him. It's not the giddyness and butterflies-in-my-tummy feeling. But kissing him is great. And feeling him is amazing. But there's the problem with sex. That I can't orgasm with him. And besides that, I just can't see a future.
Why does everything have to be so complicated?

And then there's these hopes about what will be with ES. And I can't have both.
Make any sense?