Future?

ES slept over last night.
I was stressed out. And lonely. I dunno how I let it happen.
One good thing that did come of it though, is that the little twinkle of hope that things will work out between us is just about out.

He has a lot of issues. And I don't honestly think I could have a life with him. Our outlook is just so different. And anyway, he's too confused to even know whether he wants to be in a relationship. He has so many layers of defense to guard himself, I don't even know what's real. And there's only so much of that I can handle. At least in the relationship with BA it was real.

And although the sex is great--perfect angle and everything, it doesn't leave room for me. It's like it's complete all just from him. With BA, he kept wanting me to initiate more. And sometimes that was a little frusterating. But it left alot of room for me. Here, I feel weird doing anything but sitting back and enjoying. Which can be nice. But it's not fair. And kissing him--it just doesn't work. If I could only find a combo for sex of something between ES and BA-- WOW, it would be perfect sex.

So, despite the loneliness, I guess it's time to put all the past behind, and start the search for something new...
I hope it works out somehow...