Onward

I've started and finished a very short lived relationship with IB. He was a sweet guy i met at salsa... kinda young. He's only 22.
He has a good heart, and meant well, but decided that he can't deal with sex with condoms... so he broke it off. i know it sounds REALLY immature, and totally ridiculous. apparently he broke up with his ex-girlfriend after this was a central issue of debate, and he didn't want to get into it again. so after just a week and a half, and only one time sleeping with me, he decided we would be better off not dating. His loss, but i couldn't help but feel a bit hurt.

And since then i've been on my own. Sometimes it's nice to be single, but i really would like to find a special someone.

After IB broke things off, i realized i wasn't really over the whole thing with ES. i proceeded to attempt to get him to tell me whether he still wanted to be with me. He was doing all these things that showed that he was still in love with me, and yet--he didn't want to get back together. i couldn't deal with the mixed messages anymore. i mean, you can't break my heart and then insist that you still love me, but that we shouldn't be together. it's hard to stay true to a break up when the person who did the breaking up doesn't actually want to break up. so i told him that i needed him to tell me that he doesn't want to be with me. and of course he was wishy-washy about it... and i ended up sleeping with him again, just for old times sake. everything feels so comfortable with him. even when we aren't together anymore. but the breaking up and getting back together thing has to end. he just doesn't have his act together. i don't know if he ever will... which is particularly hard for me to accept. but i guess it's time. i just don't want to lose faith that things can be that great with someone. it's real hard to give that up and have to start all over again.